Empty Nester Creates Meaningful Mother’s Day

Empty Nester Creates Meaningful Mother’s Day

http://linkedin.com/groups/158310

Mother’s Day has been challenging and a bit emotional the past few years. I became an Empty Nester single Mom while also joining the COVID Long Haulers Recovery club. The one constant in my life since they were born was my children and planning my life around them. 2 years ago the nest was empty, but I was in a fight for my life. This year I am so grateful to be recovering.

I have learned during my COVID recovery journey is to honor life, those who are there, and create meaning and value. While I was too sick to work, I knew I needed to focus on something other than too sick, so I created the COVID 19 COE Network and supported the Jobs N Career Network to help those who were laid off and could work. I was scared, so many of the COVID Long Haul patients I entered the journey with, died of my symptoms. I wanted my focus on joyful living for NOW, no matter what happens.

Talking about joy. Now is so very good. I am recovering. I am working in an area that I cannot wait to get to work every day to use my IT talents to help Health Care companies to deal with Post COVID change. My children are well and happy.

June 6, 2022, as my youngest child graduates High School. I have such an amazing life, great career, world business, written books, Guest speaker on life, health, inspiration and business topic. For all this I am satisfied, but truly being a mother has been the most meaningful life event and fastest journey.

Here are some ways I celebrated a Meaningful Mother’s Day:

  1. Taking donations to the local Women’s Shelters to help Mom’s to support themselves and their children to recover and thrive after Domestic Violence.
  2. Celebrating Executive Women Worldwide, who network and balance Business and Family.
  3. Celebrating my mom, Carol Eacret-Simmons, who teaches art that creates a meaningful life.
  4. Check the Mom Links at the bottom.

I celebrate my Mom, being a Mom, and all women who are struggling against all odds to be a Mom, in some of the most challenging times. In Dickinson, North Dakota, where my Mom, Carol Eacret Simmons worked, she held an Artist Exposition that showcased and served as a tribute to the strength of women.

Mom was born and raised in the Midwest, with the heart of an Artist, and the spirit of a teacher. Her art was part of the modern Frontiers in Printmaking Exhibition at Illinois State.

Supporting Moms in Women Shelters to survive, and in time thrive

Let us take a moment to elevate the Moms, in a situation that find mothers day, another day of trying to survive. We are hearing more and more about the adverse affects of Domestic Violences. 211.org (United Way provides Crisis Community services, and the Domestic Violence National Hotline helps you to help someone you know who may need resources.

Let us reach out with hearts and help those who are suffering to elevate Moms. Helping them to find resources and plan a safe escape is the start, but it takes so much to recover. Moving someone to safe and secure housing, allows domestic violence victims (parents and children), to find a safe place to get safe place to recover trauma, get consulting and services.

I try to donate to the local Women’s Shelter (Purses or Luggage) filled with things that would help a women and children like Stuffed Animals, unopened toiletries, clothing, books, bubble bath, makeup, toothbrush’s, toothpaste, etc.

Domestic Violence increased during the Pandemic. Before the COVID-19 pandemic began, 1 in 3 women experience violence mostly at the hands of an intimate partner:

  • Abusive partners tend to isolate the victims emotionally, financially and through threats of security or further danger if they try to leave
  • 50% of families who are homeless, came as a result of Domestic Violence. There is a certain amount of stigma attached to that, there needs to be a way to support victims and their children to secure a safe place to rebuild when there is domestic violence happening in their homes
  • Domestic violence is an equal opportunity destruction, it attacks people at their homes regardless of age, race, gender or income.

Now is joyful time. Yes, I am proud of my family

All journeys have a definitive beginning, middle and different stages of end. Parenting is the toughest job I ever loved, and it happened to fast.

I am very pleased with the trajectory of my career. I have worked for some of the best global companies in Technology, Healthcare, and Consumer Electronics. I have traveled and worked with some of the industry’s best experts and collaborated on IT best practices and Process Improvement. None of the honors come as near as the satisfaction of being a parent.

My Parents are my role models.

They taught me to do the right thing, remember family, make a difference, and never give up.

  • My Dad is my guide in business logic, statistical analysis, process improvement and life challenges.
  • My Mom has inspired many to create a meaningful life, age is nothing, art matters, and we teach and learn from one another.

Every New Beginning Comes from Some New Beginning’s End

Being a parent does not end until we end, however, the “end” of our children “needing” or “wanting” to be in touch is the beginning of their journey into defining their adult lives.

Carol Eacret Simmons was a strong-willed woman, who gave birth to her only daughter, Dawn Christine Simmons. As a teen-ager I was very focused on what I felt had value and meaning. I was a mediocre student because I gave full focus to what interested me. Which was causes, art, and my social life.

As a teenager, Mom just did not understand that times had changed, and she never faced the problems. If she didn’t like something, she would demand so strongly, that my action was to distance, dig in, and resist. I would not end a disrespectful relationship because she said so.

It had to be my idea. I too was strong willed, and felt if I calmed my own mind, I would make better decisions. I distanced myself from everyone to analyze and make decisions.

I hope you have a daughter. And. I hope she is just like you!

~ Carol Eacret-Simmons

It would take me a “few decades” to realize what Mom meant by this. Mom was right, but I would have to analyze. I inherited my family strong will, coupled with my own vulnerabilities around guilt-based shame, I was very deliberate about not giving up on fixing relational difficulties at the risk of self-care.

Love Matters Most and Terminal Parental Stupidity is part of it

Somewhere around my teen years, I came to realize how out of touch my mom was. I learned somewhere around 4 years ago that I was afflicted with terminal parental stupidity. I just was out of touch, did not understand the challenges of today.

I made mistakes as a teen that hurt my parents. I remember thinking my mom did not appreciate my uniqueness and only saw my negative qualities. My behavior as a teen destroyed her, as I was moving out and trying to establish my independence. Mom was such a central role in influencing my choices. I was scared and suffering insecurities I would NOT share until much later in life.

As a Career Process Engineer, I learned just enough organizational analysis to solve business problems that solved the problems between technology, tools, or people. Ironically as a professional who helps companies to save millions, it’s natural to conclude I am great at “adulting” right?

Answer? No I am not great at adulting. But I love my kids, I work hard for their best. I do not know what I do not know, and am born with some natural blind spots. The challenge is not pretending all is okay, but becoming OK with who we are, where we are, and improving the resistance to letting go of what holds us back to being our best selves. Make mistakes… Own them… Fix them.

My Parental Process Vulnerabilities:

  • Over correction: I made relationship mistakes, so you should not date until established in college.
  • Over protection: I don’t want you to suffer from making the mistakes I made.
  • Analysis paralysis: I made errors in the past, so I want to make sure I’m not repeating them.

My Children are my treasure, not my trophies.

My children do not exist to enhance my status as a mom. My greatest challenge as a parent is to guide my children when they need me and support their needs unconditionally.

My greatest pride is my children. I am amazed and delighted at the fine adults that they have become. I wish nothing but their belief in following their dreams, committing to learning and making choices that support that direction.

  • My son has chosen a profession that he excels in. He selected a career that has a future. His creative talents, organizational and business management skills are developed.
  • My daughter is very creative, smart and talented. As she transitions to college, I reflect on Mom’s quote, I “DID” have a daughter. She is very much like me, but in many ways smarter, more practical, and more balanced in life decision making.

As she graduates, what do I want for her future? I want her to work hard, study hard in those that help her make her dreams a reality. I want her to remember both where she was from and more importantly, where she is going.

Love matters most!

May I be a daughter you are proud of! Your presence has been most powerful, now and always. I am sorry for my errors, for when I withdrew to grow. May I live my life in a way that honors you. May I make my family feel supported and loved.

~Dawn Christine Simmons

While we grow up, the belief our parents are out of touch, is part of the rite of passage to adulthood. Children need to get quiet and distance from their parents to make independent decisions. They must define what is best for their future, independent of the judgement, direction or protection of those who love us most.

A Crosby Stills, Nash and Young song said it best. We want to protect our kids, from mistakes, from not doing what we did. The goal is to instill in our children, the values, motivation, and encouragement to go and grow.

In time I have learned that distance from those we love, is what allows us to create space for growth. We can fight it, but it is part of nature. The user guide changes over time, and personality, and surely, we do our best. A parent-child relationships is beautiful, and transformative. Conflicts that occur in the moment, are part of the process of growing up. Patience, positive support, and staying with one another is key to remember who we are, how far we have come, and recognizing how much more we can do.

Let us remember for this life our role as a child, become an adult, becoming a parent, becomes an empty nester, becomes a grandparent, becomes a memory, happens fast.

MOM LINKS:

Executive Women's Network, Dawn C Simmons, Service Delivery Improvement, OCM, Process, Technology,itsmf, HDI, IT Service Management, ITIL, ServiceNow, Change Management, linkedin.com/dawnckhan, Business Process Improvement, ITSM, COVID coe, covid19coe, covid 19 coe
Executive Women’s Network, Dawn C Simmons

COVID-19 A-Z | Executive Womens Network | Education & Study Abroad | Global Employment Taskforce  | itSMF Silicon Valley and San Francisco Bay Area |  Project Management Institute | Recruiting  Network 

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